​Why I won’t date hot men anymore

The New York Post recently published a piece titled “Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Anymore.” It’s recommended reading before you continue on with Jess’ piece below. 

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When it came to dating in Toronto as a 30-something restaurant server, Jess Allen had no problem “doing it” with the city’s most beautiful men. 

“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” Allen, now in her 40s and a Parkdale dweller with a soft build and thin, greying hair, says. “I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest, most unsuccessful, guy you could find.” 

She spent the better part of her 30s going on up to three dates a week, courting 20-something blond dishwashers, busboys, sometimes waiters—but mostly dishwashers—before eventually realizing that dating the pretty young things had its drawbacks: she found them flighty, selfish and vapid. 

“Beautiful men who get a fair amount of attention from older women get full of themselves,” she says. “Eventually, I was dreading getting Sneaky Dee’s nachos at 1:30 a.m. with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation—unless it was about John Cassavetes. Plus, I was making more money than they were so I had to pay.” 

According to new research, her ideas about sexy young babes are correct. A multipart study from F-U University found that beautiful people are more likely to be involved in unstable relationships. What’s more, the researchers looked at the top 20 actors on IMDb and found that they tend to make way more cash than the top 20 actresses. 

Looking to avoid such a fate, Allen started dating Simon, who isn’t a bathing suit model and makes less money than her. They’ve been together for 13 years. 

“[He] is a softer beauty, someone you can take home and put your feet on, and who cooks dinner most nights, vacuums, loves white wine, wears tunics, and he’s very smart,” Jess says. “And he’s 5-foot-10 so it’s not like he’s gonna be a runway model LOL! But still, I think he’s really beautiful and is actually prettier than the dishwashers I used to date.” 

Simon has no qualms about how his partner views him compared with her exes.

“When women get to a certain age, they realize that it’s important to meet a life partner that they connect with and to stop dating hot 20-year-old dishwashers,” he says. “Looks fade. But Cassavetes is forever.”

But some great-looking people say they’re given a bad rap unfairly.

“When women see beautiful men, they are more concentrated on how he looks because they want to ‘have’ him, and so they don’t want to go deeper and get to know him,” says Kirk Dungreen, 27-year-old line cook at a popular downtown taco-and-ramen restaurant. “And that’s why at the end of the a date they wonder, ‘Oh that man-boy is so beautiful but so empty.’ That’s happened to me often,” he says, wiping away a single tear.

Others say the stereotypes about pretty people being shallow are true, even it they’re hotties themselves.

“From my personal experience, people who are better looking are less likely to be interested in continuing their education, to play boardgames, or learn other languages,” says Regina Reynolds, a 37-year-old Toronto lawyer with a continuing education certificate in philosophy and the body of an a Aphrodite. But she’s quick to note that she’s not just a great set of mammaries—she also plays backgammon and speaks English.

After dating an athletic athlete with model good looks for two years, Susan Smith, 34, has sworn off attractive athletes. 

“He was a Nazi—can I say Nazi? Anyway, he was a real Nazi about his diet and would work out like hard-core and I think he cared more about being a professional athlete than documenting his life via collages,” she says.

Smith, a successful scrapbooking instructor, considers herself “a 9, or maybe a 9.7 out of 10—can you say 9.7?” But says she’s done dating gorgeous guys who are also athletic. Now she’s more interested in “super big-balled” men, because “why are balls so ignored all the time?”

“I still want someone with super normal-sized everything else but it’s important to me to find a guy with super big balls.”

Molly McComb, a 23-year-old yoga instructor from Leslieville, also changed her dating habits. First, she deleted her profile on Grindr because she realized it was attracting men who weren’t really interested in her. When she signed up for Bumble, another dating app, she stopped putting “rock-hard abs” as her top criteria. “I guess I just thought men can be more than just their looks, you know?” McComb, who is 32, said. “I started meeting guys who were into other things besides yoga gear and child pose.” In August, 2016, she met Kirk the line cook who didn’t even have visible abs. “At first it was gross but then I was like, he’s really into ramen.That was new for me.”

“When I asked [Kirk] why he loves me, he said that he loves that I don’t talk that much,” McComb says. “And I knew he was the one.”

Jess Allen is equally enthusiastic about her decision to give up on high-maintenance hotties. 

“There’s something to be said about getting all that sex with those young, vapid, dishwashers with sick bodies and legs for days out of your system,” she says. 

“But I don’t regret my past. They were super hot and young. And I had really clean dishes for like three years.” 

 

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